HOW I USED MY EX – no regrets.

Many girls feel so sorrowful, depressed, and suicidal after break ups. I mean many girls are in the asylum because of a break up. These are not just old ladies; some are girls in their teens and early twenties. Every break up is a very saddening event especially if love was involved, it could even take years for the wounds of the heart to heal. It is torturous indeed, but must we die there?

I once dated a charming young man, to me he was a hero and all that I wished for. It was indeed a very lovely relationship were both parties were open to each other.  As a normal man that he was and still is, he had his standards and all that, he had things that he liked and disliked.

I liked everything about him and was too sure I wanted to marry him someday even though at that time I was not so interested in getting married. He understood me so much and was interested in my progress to my amazement. He went beyond normal circumstances to put me on track (I guess he saw something really special in me*winks).

We talked about a lot of things, especially the future. Where is he now? He is nowhere in my life now. We broke up and went our separate ways, this was someone I could not imagine spending my life without – I could not have imagined it.

After the break up, I went through a series of bad times: I lost so much weight, was highly depressed, felt lonely, self esteem dropped to zero level, and I became hateful. I couldn't imagine why our relationship did not work anymore. This was a guy whose downs and ups I became a part of and vice versa. I thought of how unfair life had been.

How I Used Him

Somehow, I had learnt in the past that everyone who walks into your life can be a sure ladder. Ladders can take you up or down, it depends on the direction you are willing to take.  I discovered that my Ex was a special kind of human, till today I have not met someone as a ‘go getter’ as he is- I was the opposite. He did not let me rest; but again, the manner at which he showed care about my advancement was so weird any normal chic would have revolted or maybe backed off.

I had gotten to a point in my life where I understood that I could stoop to conquer. I realised the guy was very discerning and so I acted on almost every advice he gave. I had studied his ways so much and I believed there was nothing he wanted to do or have in this world that he could not achieve(I still believe that).

I used his vast knowledge to build up many things about myself. I constantly tapped into his wealth of knowledge. Sometimes I even played naive about many things which may have made me look ‘vulnerable’, but there was so much to learn that I was not interested in playing smart.

Hope you ladies also know that one way you can blow up a guy’s mind is to let him know how good he is. It doesn't bring down your worth; it just makes him know you are not competing with him for superiority. Trust me if a guy picked you, it’s because there was something really special he saw.  Don’t remind him about your prowess(he knows) tell him what he wants to hear, ladies must learn to stoop so they can get what they want.

As ‘naive and stupid’ as I may have appeared to be, I also had my strong points which he learnt from and definitely could pass to others. At the end of the day, I made up my mind to leave something behind. I feel so good today that I met my Ex along my life’s journey and what is even nicer is that he cannot regret the fact that he once knew  someone as special as me.

I have climbed ladders in my life and also allowed myself to be climbed by others. When you look back at relationships you have built, if the relationship did not take you forward – maybe it was your role to take it forward.

Every good person who comes to your life may not be there forever. They may just be there to help you move forward and then be gone sooner than you desire. Never try to keep someone who is not meant to be in your life forever; you may never meet your next ladder if you don’t walk away from the old one.

After my episodes of deep grief, I realised everyone shouldn’t be in your life forever, we all have to be discerning enough to know when they come and when it’s time to leave.

In this part of the world where I come from, the ladies keep blaming the guys for so many things. We will remain ‘used’ if we do not know and understand that relationships are meant to be enjoyed to satisfaction by all involved. When a relationship appears not to be beneficial anymore, go for counselling, talk through it with the other party and come to a compromise.

If a girl makes the best of her relationships, she would not have the usual excuse of being used by her Ex. Relationships are meant to be enjoyed by both parties, you guys have to use each other and be fulfilled at that so that when you part there’d be no regrets whatsoever.

Idara Umosen

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